KILL YOUR FALSE SELF

One very brave person’s story that we shall never forget.

–The author has decided not to share this story anymore.–

One thing I remember from the story that still lingers in my heart is, if you see a person with kindness and love, you see the good side of that person, who have been abused and learned to do things in ways that hurt himself, but he tried and tried to be a good person, and sometimes he will even help with your problems. On the other hand, the other person living in the same house, witnessed the same things, see this person as lazy, evil and sick, will never be able to see the good side of him, no matter how hard he tried.

Don’t waste time to impress someone who cannot see you as a person.

And remember, choose to see everyone with kindness and love.

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Four important things I learnt in my 10-day Retreat

I still remember the day I went out of the 10-day meditation camp and I was on my way home and I was on a bus, I was so happy I was smiling. I mean, I was so satisfied with my life I smiled for no reasons. This is like an euphoric state but I attained it without taking any drugs. Looking back this sounds really crazy. But also because of this, I concluded meditation can do wonders.

But first of all, let me tell you the whole 10-day meditation camp was not as fun as expected. I did not wear enough clothes because I thought that’s summer and outside was 30 something degrees. So yea, I should be fine without a blanket. I did not expect they would have air-conditioners! Oh well, I caught a cold. And before I got ill, I had my period coming. All of the things added up I did not know what was I doing for the whole 10 days. Four days of menstruation and then three days of coughing and breathing difficulties. Also around five days of insomnia because we were forced to go to bed at 10 and woke up at 4am everyday. You have to understand I am a night owl, sleeping at 2am I would tell people I have make it an early night. So, it did not go very well.
However, I learnt a lot about myself and I gained a lot of insights. I am taught how to breathe in a way that I am in control of myself to get into a semi-conscious state. It is a very relaxed state but you still have control of your breathing and aware of the surroundings. This breathing exercise is also one of the top secrets to reduce anxiety and stress. It is more than just an exercise but I think this is an easy explanation for people who have never did meditation before to have an idea how it is like.
So, before all these wonders  I am told not to expect anything because if you expect something and you did not get it during the camp, you may get disappointed, get upset, get angry, have all sorts of inappropriate emotions arise from your mind and this will affect your body as well. Even though I was instructed not to expect anything. But of course, I did have some expectations, I just fine tuned them down and expected less. I was hoping to understand how meditation can help get insights and maybe get a better understanding of myself.
In that ten days, I was dozing off in more than one occasions, embarrassing enough one of the helpers came to me and asked me to wake up. More than once. Ashamed? Not ashamed. I was not paying full attention to follow the instructions most of the time. I even got a vivid lucid dream in one early morning. Because according to my body clock I was supposed to be sleeping but I told myself not to, but I don’t really have enough mental energy to tell myself to breathe and concentrate, and that’s how my lucid dream happened. Looking back it is quite an epic fail but in meditation camp we don’t count failures. My expectations came true and actually I got more than that. I believe meditation is just a self-reflection exercise, we all end up run into ourselves, our own ideas. The below are my ideas and those are some important ideas I have pondered for years to grapple and I would like to share with you.

1. Self-discipline

First,I learned about self-discipline is very important. I did not like rules but if I promised my teacher to do something I will finish it, reluctantly. I also have an impression of being an obedient child but of course, no one really like to be told what to do all the time. I was just being obedient on the outside. I am not the type of person who will do whatever people say. So, my mind always wandered away and live in my dreamy little world when people asked me to do things I do not want to. This actually persisted for many years and I did not think there is anything wrong. But this 10-day camp told me I am not being constructive. Part of me want to do this while part of me want to do that. I have been living like this for years and I have no questions about it and how does it happen or how does it affect me. Obviously the result is, I can spend years doing something but still stay at a certain point making no progress. That is because I do not want to do it, I just pretend I want to. One of the reasons is I promised my parents to study hard and so I did, even though I don’t want to. I force myself to. But part of my brain is not cooperating and so, I become the so-called ‘workaholic’ The one who works for days and nights and have no social life and have no personal life. That’s not constructive, not effective. This is all just a show. A show to tell everyone surrounding me that I am studying. This 10 days camp told me, it is time to learn how to concentrate and work hard, if I really want to succeed. And self-discipline will be the key.

2. Stay Focus

Also, very luckily, meditation is a concentration practice. It requires you to focus on one point and then a smaller point and a smaller point. Ignore other things, just focus on that smaller point. This simple task is what meditation really is, it requires mental energy and a state of mind that is focused and relaxed. I taught me how to focus.

 3. Objective thinking

Besides self-discipline and how to concentrate on one task, I learnt to think objectively and get into a positive state. My mum is quite a negative person and she has the tendency to imagine all the worst scenarios and over-think everything. Growing up with people like this, you will also become anxious and paranoid. At least I was. I don’t know how does meditation stop me worrying. But getting into that relaxed state certainly does have some calming effect. I learnt to focus on the things that really matters and let go of the thoughts I have no control of. This I called the real positive thinking. In the western culture sometimes people would have zero-tolerance over any kind of negativity. This becomes a sickness, as no one can have a great day every day. We have to acknowledge the negative feelings we have some time to time. Otherwise, negative feelings will build up and explode. This is what I called the fake positive thinking. By thinking objectively, you observe your own emotions and do not react to it. You get into a positive state by having a brutally honest understanding of what is going on, is what give us a sense of control. Meditation taught me that.

 4. Be your authentic self

One final point that is all added up from the previous points is, I learnt an important lesson being human. Success is always defined culturally and there is no big deal if you cannot be seen as successful by other people’s standards. Before I was really sure I want to go to the retreat. My parents thought I was crazy and this would be a waste of time; my friends thought there was something wrong with me. I only know this will be an eye-opening experience, I did not have a very deep thought about WHY I have to go. The retreat I went to is free. Without the financial concern, I just want to try it. According to my mum, I will become a monk one day. To my friends this is something bizarre. I also hesitated for a second the night before the camp when I was packing my luggage. ‘Am I sure I really have to do this?’ No, not really, but why not?  So, I went. I realized, there must be a lot of people in the past, before I exist, before my mum exists, before your grandma exists, they meditate. For what, who knows? But what do they get? A lot of important worthy precious lessons about life. I am reminded from time to time that we are not born to be told by the society how successful we are. We are not born to fulfil the desires of your family, your culture. All these are just purposes created by some humans. Life is not as short as our deadlines tell us. Ask yourself, what do you really want to do? Let go of what other people want you to become, but remind yourself the amazing things you want to do. To do what you need to do and do not let the society to repress you to become someone who are not. Because you will not be happy. But of course, under the condition not to hurt anyone, including yourself.
This requires self-awareness and self-awareness is what meditation is about.
Video

Sometimes I am scared of My Darkside, Can I get rid of it?

*I’m sorry if the use of language in the video is a bit inappropriate*

 

Have a look at the mirror, me and my family look so alike. I mean physically we are so alike, it must be the genes. How about mentally? There must be some genes controlling as well, aren’t there?

Looking at my relatives who love to judge people.

Am I just one of them? Selfish, judgmental, making fun of others.

Thought they know so much more than anyone, thought no one can be better, thought the world owes them….

I get tired of thinking about them, but then, at the end of the day, maybe I am just one of them. Can I get rid of it?

 

Or in a family with depression, am I just one of them?

Will I get depression oneday? Am I born with it? Is this just coincidience if one day I get it too?

All the socialization and interactions with my relatives, all the genes, everything counts.

The chain of thought started to freak me out…

Can I run away from my family?

 

Or if I have the desire to be a murderer.

Am I born with it? Can I blame it to my genes? Can I get rid of it? Am I a shame to my family?

 

”Sometime I wonder what’s inside of me, 

 my family are hiding inside me,

I never know what I do know.

Running away is something we always done well,

Well and mostly I can’t even tell what I’m running from

Corpsed into ice, I cannot ,I cannot,I cannot, run from my family” ( from the lyrics)

 

Can I get rid of the dark side?

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I cannot find the answer, but a wise young man says something remarkable that keep me thinking —the accepance of our dark sides.

”Like all people, I have a “shadow,” and I have learned that the healthiest thing one can do is to integrate this darkness into one’s self.  If you reject it and abhor it, then you only repress it, and it only gets stronger when it is not acknowledged.

As I have experienced life, and learned how to increase my capacity for tolerance and compassion, so too has my capacity for darkness grown as well.  This is natural, because balance is the rule of nature.  In order to become more compassionate, I must also cultivate the capacity for more selfishness.  In order to be more tolerant, I must also cultivate my ability for intolerance and hatred.

This sounds scary, but it is not.  Because while we all have the capacity for both good and evil, it is our choice at every moment whether to engage in decent activities or engage in behaviors that will harm others.  I have long since come into the habit of choosing compassion over hatred, and peace of mind over anger. ”

By: Seraph1m

Written on December 26th, 2007 on http://www.experienceproject.com

view the whole passage here: http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Have-A-Dark-Side/116964

The Idea of Death

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Credit: Toothpaste for Dinner.com

”No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.

It’s been a while Steve Jobs have passed away, but his quote about death will certainly stays in the living world, as long as there are people living, his quote must trigger some kind of alarm or struck a chord in someone’s heart.

Truth is, death can help us live better, at the same time death can freeze us from doing anything.

Once in my life I was confused by the above saying, as a little twist of the wordings can have a totally different meaning, the change of wordings can have the power to go from positive to negative. Where should I draw the line? How come some people are inspired by death but then some people are devastated by death? How could this be possible, can a candy taste nice and terrible at the same time?

Being devastated by death is easy to understand at first sight. As you are going to die, there is nothing left, just imagine you are being sacked and you want to cry, you are devastated (if you love your job or you need the job). Simple as that, what follows death is an overwhelming negativity. The part hard to understand is how negativity can flip over to positivity.

I remember once there is a trend people keep telling others to ‘treat every single day as their last day of their life ‘, not sure if this is really a ‘trend’ or not. But if you are thinking the same thing I was thinking, you would sign. If you are living today as your last day, will you save money for your future? No, just use them all, there is no future anyway, who cares about that? If today is your last day of your life, do you need to care about hurting people, maybe, but you got a good reason not to, no one can go punish you in the future, because you got no future after all! Life seems to be a big joke to you. Yes, life is not right. Some people gave all the money to their loved ones and go kill themselves. They know they are destined to die, they are hopeless, they are worthless, they live out ‘today as their last day of their life’.

*Sign* They have never thought of the parts if they were still alive. *Sign again* The quote is not clear in the message it is giving out. Death is a knife sharp at both ends.

Though the fact of death destroys us, the idea of death can save us.

The flipping of positivity comes from questioning the chance you are going to die. You are going to die tomorrow, but there is a chance you are going to be living as well. You never know.

It is the unknown that give us power to fight, it’s the unknown that make us give the best shot, to do our best. It is the unknown that tell us to do whatever you need now but not later. When you are aware of the unknown, you are at the state that you are aware you may die, and at the same time you are fully aware you may live. So, don’t drench yourself in negativity, and at the same time do not take everything as granted as no one guarantees everything stays the same for you, not even your life.

It is the state of unknown that keep us to be aware every single moment, life is fragile, but human strength is not. Death is inevitable to destroy us , but the idea of death is not.

 

Meaning of Life 1- Osho reading

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‘Not a rose’ by neo-conceptual artist Heide Hatry. To her this is actually arrangements of the offal, sex organs, and other residues of deceased animals. Photo from site http://artnet.tumblr.com/post/51556121856/not-a-rose-in-her-new-show-neo-conceptual

If you think religious stuff are mumbo jumbos and think they are not for everyone, seems Osho is agreeing with you. What is the meaning of life?

Osho said life has no purpose, it’s us who create meanings. A flower blossoms and dies, what is the meaning for it? Maybe It’s just a waste of energy. Life is just a process of using up energy, burning the energy within us.

I remember reading that last time a boy asked me the same question. I was shocked, a little bit upset and disappointed. If life has no meanings, what are we doing?

But then, once in a while I came across a flower-bed and thought of the same question and the blossoming flower just reminded me the words of Osho. Life has no meaning. This answer is much better than someone telling me to follow Jesus’s footstep and discover the meaning of life in God, because fundamentally I don’t truly believe in God. I am not convinced.

This answer is also better by the biological answer that we are here to reproduce and make better humans. How about people who can’t? I am not convinced. A flower may not attract any insects to help it spread its own seeds or do whatever it ‘should’ be doing biologically. A flower is a flower, it’s doing great being a flower. I do not buy it.

The answer actually makes me smile, because it’s so true. I found it.

This time I googled the same passage and found another one.

hmmm… probably I have skimmed it last time as well but forgot about it as soon as I finished.

This time I read it out loud.

http://www.phys.uni-sofia.bg/~viktor/wisdom/osho/meaning_of_life.html

What is the meaning of life?

  •  Life has no meanings. Meanings are created by people. He clarified the question afterwards by saying if meanings of life can be solidly found we need not discover it again and again by different people. As everyone can have a different discovery that is actually a creative process.
  • ‘Question the question.’ If you are looking for a meaning of life you are restraining yourself and defining your way of living. The meaning of life you defined may not be there. The answer may not be found. Keep your mind open and keep the question pure. A pure question is a question stays as a question, answer comes and goes when there are different considerations and perspectives.
  •  ‘Be a little bit crazy’ The meaning of life is a creative process, so experience life by participating in it. Don’t restrain yourself by any meaning of life, then you will discover as many meanings as you want by trying different things.

Osho gives very clear answer that meaning of life has no definite answer and will never have. But this is not a upsetting truth. This can set you free. :)