My kind of Mantra

Fill yourself with love, imagine yourself holding someone in pain. Someone in physical pain, or emotional pain. Hold her/ him tightly, tell her/him you would take good care of her/him. Promise her/him. Generate the type of energy that is kind and loving, hug her/him, touch her/him. Practice it. Imagine yourself as someone strong, someone with scars and someone who understands. Someone protective and someone who is willing to take the responsibility to dig deep.

This is my kind of mantra. I will be here, for you, till we see the sun, and you are strong enough to carry one with yourself. My name is called trauma healing. I am just a tool in God’s hand. I use all my might to go through hard times with other people, I stay with their uncomfortable times so that they can find ease and peace and tranquillity on their own.

In this tough times, remember to read and write.

From time to time, when people around me are not helping. The only thing that consoles me is books. That’s why I buy lots of books. Looking back, I was just looking for answers. Hoping that when familiar words are connected in a way that is unique, I will see the answers that I need. It’s all just therapy. My therapy for my loneliness.

I didn’t know the patterns when I was in England. Because the people around me were more of the friendly and sedate bunch, I bought fewer books. I didn’t NEED that. When I am back to Hong Kong, I started to see the patterns. I need to be surrounded by books. I needed answers. People around me don’t understand. They don’t understand why I am stuck. They think I am free and living happily.  I know I am not, but it’s hard for others to understand. They are like ‘dead hearts’ described in the song dead hearts by Stars. It’s hard to know that they are out there and they are people you used to know. It’s hard to know that they still care. They pretended they care but there is no action. They are dead hearts to me. Dead hearts are everywhere. They make me feel I am falling down. They make me sad, so sad.

When people around me are not inspirational or motivational, I see myself falling into a black pit that I know things won’t turn out great. I am crying inside. It’s like a foreseeable depression. So, I hold onto anything and everything. I remind myself of the days I was in England, I hold onto the books I have bought and passages I have written myself. Things I have posted on Twitter, Tumblr and here have been a strong pin for me. They are reminders. Reminders of values and aspirations I have, reminders of the ideal self I want myself to be, reminders of who I have chosen to be, and reminders that I have been blessed by my adventure in England. To all the people I have met, they all have taught me wonderful lessons. Though home still looks the same, something changed inside and it changes everything.

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One Ridiculous Suggestion~

I make myself cry. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean that I would just sit down and hypnotise myself, ‘please cry, at this moment, I am sad, I am hopeless, I have to cry….’ What I mean is once in a while I love to read stories that made myself cry, sometimes I got a very strong feeling that I lock myself in my room, go search for some heart-wrenching videos.

You have to understand, in front of people I am a shy little girl who only loves to laugh when people talking to me or when I am alone I would rather sit somewhere than showing my true feelings. I am not someone you will imagine crying, let alone  someone who wants to cry once in a while.

I don’t know how this habit starts, this is just something you did randomly in the past and then one day you told yourself you should do more, and later on it becomes a habit, without a plan. Here I will tell you why you should do it too.

Once in a while, especially when life is so empty, without a real purpose, you feel like being pushed by others and have done many things that are not your own wish, even though you were the one who came up with the original idea, things just turn out the other way round. Deep inside there are lots of repressed emotions and it’s time. It’s time to release them. It’s time to be honest with yourself, it’s time to cry for yourself, you wish something would not happen again, you wish things are much easier.

Find a touching story, watch an episode of Melinda Gordon ( The Ghost Whisperer works very well for me, I cry every episode with no exception), they remind you of a topic that is so raw, so close to everyone- Being a human. You and me are humans, we are so little, we are just two out of thousands and thousands of living things in this Earth, there are so many thing we can’t control in our lives, the message is don’t be cruel to yourself, we are not Supermen, no matter how many expectations your boss, your friends, your family have on you, your boss think you can accomplish things that only 3 people can finish, your manager tell others how stupid you are, your family don’t understand what you are going through, your friends are jealous of you, and so much more…. Admit it, you are exhausted, you are frustrated. Cry it out, It’s okay to cry, everybody hurts some time, and we just pick ourselves up and move on. At least that’s what you can do- true to yourself.

Another thing about the fudamental fact that we are human is, on one hand it is self-love, as we can’t do much to change the world, not even yourself, so in front of self-blame and self-doubts what we can do is self-love.

On the opposite side of the same fact also suggests compassion, it’s about what we can do. We are living things on Earth, we have the ability to understand what others go through, not only humans, but dogs, cats…other animals with feelings as well, we can interact so we can connect each other, we share feelings and that’s why we can empathize. In this cruel world, people try to put in the mindset that humans are the only one with feelings, with you have seen dogs cry you know how this doesn’t make sense. That’s a shame, we isolate ourselves from other animal species so we seem superior to other animals, we should be connected and we understand that all animals are just living a life, with a impartial eye you will see all beings are the same. Be compassionate. Going back to the human world it’s not better actually, society only appreciate those with abilities, power and money, we are little but we can do something as well, don’t go blind and follow those rules set by the society and become part of the cruel world, as everyone should be respected, there are principles that we have to fight till the end of the day. To respect every being, not only as a slogan in your room, but burn that in our hearts like a scar on our skin, a scar with a bleeding story to tell and remind you something important—Respect and compassion.

People said I am weird but I am proud to be this way, to ask yourself to cry from time to time sounds a little bit ridiculous, but as a way to be true to yourself, fair enough. Just be yourself and do whatever needs to be done. It’s time to do something for yourself.

Take care,

Pooky :P